Mixed Signals

I want a crystal ball to tell me my future. Or maybe I can be a time traveller like Hiro Nakamura. The computer generated 8-ball and Facebook quizzes are certainly not giving me clarity.

Sweden: Yes or No?

Back in the USA

On April 9th, after 7 months abroad, I returned to American soil. It hasn't been all that "shocking" to be back in the States - not like it was when I returned from 10 months in France. Not surprising, though, since I didn't really immerse myself much in the Scandinavian life, language or culture. I have to admit, overall I'm feeling a sense of relief. I've been ridiculously homesick.

There have been some things that have stuck out though

- Insulation in homes is MUCH better in Denmark/Sweden

- The toilet flush here is mighty powerful!

- My feet aren't used to flip flops and I'm sore in between my toes from wearing them

That's about it.

The Sun is Out and I'm Pissed

It's amazing how the light, the sun, the arrival of Spring and warmer weather can bring about a mental calmness and make things seem better. I don't accept it. After months of being consumed with feelings of anxiety, desperation, insanity I can't believe it can all be washed away with rays of sunlight. I'm angry to have let the darkness invade my life and to not have put up a better fight. This is war. I have a score to settle.
Round 1:
Mother Nature - 1 Shobhna - 0

The Update

There will be no posts in Danish, because my Denmark adventure is over. The update is that I quit my job and moved out of Denmark. Although it was a drastic and fatal decision, I don't entirely regret the choice that I made. I made it out of necessity, because I couldn't continue with the way things were. And while I can't really pinpoint how things went so wrong, they did, so I'm sort of at ground zero reassessing my life and trying to figure out the next move.

What happened? It started in October with loneliness and isolation. As the winter months progressed, the cold and darkness seeped in and my hibernating tendencies kicked in full gear. Somewhere mid-November misery and desperation took over. And then I started to isolate myself. Eventually I stopped functioning all together. I decided I needed out, because there was no way I was going to cope or that things would get better. So I put in my notice and forfeited my life in Denmark.

That was 2 months ago. Since then, I moved to Malmö and just fell deeper into depression. I haven't been able to climb my way out of this giant hole I've been in. It's time to go home.

So my wild and crazy Scandinavian adventure has not been so wild and crazy after all. I failed to have any fun, make any friends, travel, learn, enjoy - accomplish anything that I set out to do. Life just crumbled to pieces.

I have the chance to try again with a job opportunity in Sweden. But before I can go forward, I need to get myself to a better place and gear myself up to try this a second time. So here's to the end of Part 1 of this journey. To be continued? I'm not sure yet...