The Fifty Nifty United States

50 State Stereotypes in under 2 minutes - by Paul Jury

Alabama – Our state bird is the NASCAR.
Alaska - I can see seasonal depression disorder from here.
Arizona - Keeping Indians in and Mexicans out.
Arkansas - Great scenery, brilliant peopl- Sorry. We've got Walmart?
California - Gay Mexican boobjob computer hippies who really wanna direct.
Colorado - Snow! Cocaine, I mean, but we're also known for skiing.
Connecticut - Great schools, because there's nothing else to do.
Delaware - Come, we've got low incorporation fees. No seriously, please come.
Florida - The more north you go, the more south it gets.
Georgia - Atlanta! We're kind of ashamed of the rest of it, though.
Hawaii - If you lived here, you'd be lazy too.
Idaho - Potatoes and Napoleon Dynamite, god we're cool.
Illinois - Look, a non-corrupt politician for once. So far.
Indiana- You have to drive through us to get somewhere better.
Iowa - 56,000 square miles of dull.
Kansas - White-breds make wheat bread.
Kentucky - Farming from the future, textbooks from 1925.
Louisiana - Thanks BP, as if we didn't have enough problems.
Maine - A wicked lot a' moose, eh?
Maryland - Have Jeeves bring the lobster boat around.
Massachusetts - Our chief export is obnoxious Pats Fans.
Michigan - Cereal makers, serial killers
Minnesota - Too nice not to elect douchy governors.
Mississippi - I'm gonna need a bigger Bible belt
Missouri - We're #1 in Meth.
Montana - Speed limits don't matter when you're drunk.
Nebraska - Footballs, drawls and overalls.
Nevada - No laws, no problem! Except all the murders.
New Hampshire - Half hippie, half French, all upper class.
New Jersey - Guidos, Turnpikes, Leeching off New York.
New Mexico - Like regular Mexico, but with more UFOs.
New York - World's 14th biggest city, 1st biggest ego.
North Carolina - First in flight and lung cancer
North Dakota - Somehow even worse than South Dakota.
Ohio - People care about us at election time!
Oklahoma - Ten days tornado free!
Oregon - Dreadlocks on Caucasians.
Pennsylvania - Even our Amish will fight you.
Rhode Island - No seriously, we're a state.
South Carolina - Still accepting confederate dollars.
South Dakota - At least we're not North Dakota
Tennessee - Where white people music comes from
Texas - Everything is bigger, even our morons.
Utah - Multiple homely wives.
Vermont - Gay marriages on maple syrup farms.
Virginia - From the center of civilization to Hicksville in 20 minutes flat.
Washington - Richer hippies than Oregon
West Virginia - The inbred love child of Virginia and DC.
Wisconsin - It's too cold to be sober.
Wyoming - We don't have any gay cowboys, alright? OK, maybe a few gay cowboys.

Hockey

Tied 3-3 that went into sudden death overtime. The winning goal was shot in 56 seconds. Yup. I was there.

After each Winterhawks goal, they play "TNT" and the whole crowd stands up and chants "Fight! Fight! Fight!" It's contagious. You'll be the odd man out if you don't join in. Gotta give some props to the Winterhawk fans. There may not match in numbers to Blazer or Timber fans, but they still have a crazy passion for their team.

A co-worker of mine went to a game with his son the first time. At the ticket box, a sweet old lady probably around 70yrs told the kid, "oh you're going to want to yell fight, fight, fight!" He was shocked that such a nice old lady would encourage a little boy to egg on violence in hockey. It became clear what she had meant after the Winterhawks made their first score :)

Yay for Karma

The Westboro Baptist Church is just abominable. After educating myself on who they are and what they do, I was beyond shocked. There are some news reports which can be seen on YouTube that drive the point home. From Wikipedia:

The Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) is an independent Baptist known for its extreme stance against homosexuality and its protest activities, which include picketing funerals and desecrating the American flag. The church is widely described as a hate group. It is headed by Fred Phelps consists mostly of members of his large family; in 2007, it had 71 members.

ANYWAY... here's the great part

A couple of days before (a funeral), one of the Westboro protestors ran his mouth at a Brandon gas station and got his arse waxed. Police were called and the beaten man could not give much of a description of who beat him. When they canvassed the station and spoke to the large crowd that had gathered around, no one seemed to remember anything about what had happened.
Rankin County handled this thing perfectly. There were many things that were put into place that most will never know about and at great expense to the county.
Most of the morons never made it out of their hotel parking lot. It seems that certain Rankin county pickup trucks were parked directly behind any car that had Kansas plates in the hotel parking lot and the drivers mysteriously disappeared until after the funeral was over. Police were called but their wrecker service was running behind and it was going to be a few hours before they could tow the trucks so the Kansas plated cars could get out.
A few made it to the funeral but were ushered away to be questioned about a crime they might have possibly been involved in. Turns out, after a few hours of questioning, that they were not involved and they were allowed to go on about their business.

Awesome.

Portland has Major League Soccer!!

Riding the MAX home from work today, I saw a huge crown outside the "Jeld-Wen" (whatever, it will forever be known as PGE Park) stadium. People were lining up for the home debut of the Portland Timbers, our brand spankin new Major League Soccer team. So awesome! We all know Portland has the best fans, partly due to the fact that thus far we only had one Major League team (the Blazers) to cheer for. But, no doubt, we love our teams with interminable passion and there's room in our hearts for both sports. You won't find a better crowd in the US.

Yahoo Sports: Look for a scene to make other teams green with envy. The game against New England saw attendance at 7,114. Portland will play the home opener in front of almost 20,000 of the best fans in soccer. The game is sold out, so fans without tickets will have to gather at their favorite pub or watch from home.

And guess what? We won tonight! Portland Timbers v. Chicago Fire 4-2. There's history in the making here.

April Flowers

Reality TV Junky

I'm a big fan of "How I Met Your Mother," a sitcom on that airs on CBS. There's an episode in which Barney is telling Ted that Ted needs to ditch his high school friend, Punchy. The dialogue goes:

Barney: "Seriously dude, he has got to go. You need to be like:
'You are the weakest link, goodbye'
'Bungy, the tribe has spoken'
'Please pack up your knives and go'
'Your work of art didn't work for us'
'Your time's up'
'I have to ask you to leave the mansion'
'You must leave the chateau'
'Your tour ends here'
'You've been chopped'
'You've been evicted from the Big Brother house'
'Your dessert just didn't measure up'
'Sashe away'
'Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen'
'I'm sorry, you did not get a rose'
'You have been eliminated from the race'
'You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model'
'You're Fired!'... "


This scene is hilarious if you understand it's cultural reference. Barney is reciting the sign-off phrases for multiple reality TV shows. I suddenly realized just how much reality TV I'm exposed to, as I was able to identify the majority of the quotes. When did reality TV become such a dominant force in the realm of television? Just look at the number of shows that pit contestants against each other in some type of competition to realize an ultimate prize. There's really no value in watching these shows, but it's addicting! Brainless entertainment - we all have our guilty pleasures. Will our fascination with reality TV fade? Will we be over saturated by these silly battles and loose interest in watching people duke it out over designing the best filet mignon? I think reality TV will run it's course, and I wonder what will become the next big thing.

Heureux Tous les Deux

Heureux tous les deux Lyrics, Frank Alamo

Je ne sais pas pourquoi,
Pourquoi je t'ai suivie un soir chez toi
Mais en tout cas
Je sais que depuis ce jour-là
On est heureux,
Si heureux tous les deux

J'ai changé grâce à toi, oui, je l'avoue
Je n'oublie plus mes rendez-vous
Je suis moins fou
La vie est comme un ciel tout bleu
On est heureux,
Si heureux tous les deux

[Refrain:]
Je t'ai trouvée sans te chercher, mon amour
Je t'ai trouvée
On s'est aimés sans se cacher, nuit et jour
On s'est aimés

On ne peut jurer de rien
Après la joie vient le chagrin
Tu le sais bien
N'y pensons plus
Faisons le vœu de vivre heureux,
Si heureux tous les deux

[au Refrain]

Je nous vois tout cet été
Courant sous le soleil doré
Sans se quitter
Et rien déjà que d'en parler
On est heureux tous les deux

Je n'saurai jamais pourquoi
Je t'ai suivie un soir chez toi
Mais en tous ca
Je sais que depuis ce jour-là
On est heureux,
Si heureux tous les deux [x5]